#BlackLivesMatter — Kyla Richey

I have been sitting here absorbing everything that has gone on around me for the past couple of weeks. Feeling inspired, insignificant, helpless, hopeful.

Last Monday is when a lot of us were shaken out of our slumber. The Black Lives Matter movement was in full force and I desperately wanted to show my support. On Tuesday when individuals started posting publicly on their social platforms, I personally felt as though I was scrambling for the right thing to do or say for the entire day.

Like many of you, I woke up to black boxes on instagram for #blackouttuesday and immediately felt like I needed to follow suit. This was the first issue. A few days later after some reflection and eye opening conversations, I thought how ridiculous that was. WHY did I feel that I needed to follow everyone. Well first and foremost, because I wanted to show my support and felt that if I DIDN’T post a black box then that meant I wasn’t in support of Black lives and this BLM movement.

But posting and showing up in that one moment does nothing to support the cause. And in this case (what I learned later that day) was being a sheep actually hurt the BLM movement because the black squares would stay on instagram for days. They were essentially useless feed posts that took over and drowned out those individuals who were posting resources and information because we were all using the same hashtag.

We couldn’t differentiate the sheep posting a black box to those who were trying to share real information and educational resources.

We wanted to show up. We posted because everyone else did. We acted before educating ourselves. We actually did more harm than good.

Shame.

Then people started posting “muted” on their feeds. And again we realized that we were wrong; reading other Black perspectives on the muting (@themompsychologist) suggested that the bigger message that this statement was sending was the silence of more white people during a time when we should absolutely not be silent. Yes we should be stopping regular white-privilege-posts and stop selling and promoting and sharing things that aren’t connected to BLM but we should never be silent.

Later that day I also shared some stories, one that said “all lives matter.” I thought this was appropriate to encompass all lives across the globe. I believed that I was standing up for equality across all persons.

Only minutes passed before someone gently reached out to me and shared this was in fact NOT the thing to post right now. I quickly scrambled to read some articles on the specific topic and soon changed the post to Black Lives Matter. Since then, I understand that just because we are lifting up one group of persons or race, does not mean anybody else is less than. I dove into this truth by going over a favourite verse in the bible: Matthew 18:13-14.

13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14 In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.

It illustrates the love and compassion that God has for every individual person. He doesn’t love the 99 any less because he goes after the one.

Tuesday was a whirlwind. I am sure we can all agree on that. I felt so unknowledgeable on a topic I was very much wanting to show up for. I felt that everything I did was “wrong” and I was constantly learning and changing what I did or said.

I am ashamed it took me this long to learn. I am ashamed I hadn’t educated myself prior to this day and in turn ran around like a scrambling mess for 24+ hours. I am ashamed it took a very IMPORTANT day in our lives for me to truly recognize systemic racism and do a deep dive into all of these topics. Most recently (and importantly) doing a deep dive into my own ways of thinking; I have been shifting my views, doing some learning and unlearning and introspection about how to use my platform and voice, and what tangibles I can adopt into my daily routines moving forward. Often when there is a topic such as this that portrays a lot of hurt and pain, I feel it too (hello empaths) but the thing about our white privilege is that I have the ability to learn such things in a warm home. I can watch a movie or read an article and then continue moving in my privileged white life. My heart and soul hurt so much and yet it isn’t even a pinprick to the amount of hurt that our Black brothers and sisters have been through EVERY SINGLE DAY. The oppression and fear that is sewn into their family history. I know nothing. We know nothing of the pain. And that, I have found, is a very uncomfortable thing to navigate.

Just the other day I had this difficult, awkward and uncomfortable conversation with someone very close to me. It ended with me in tears because I was SO angry this message wasn’t wholeheartedly getting across. And this is a person who I am extremely close with. It spurred on this notion that I have been in my “Team Canada bubble” where I have spent the majority of my waking moments with strong, driven, like-minded women. Growing up as an athlete, I never saw my black teammates as different when it came to our worth as a human being. The value of me vs. her was never different in my eyes. They were simply another teammate whom I loved and respected. But just because I didn’t see systematic racism doesn’t mean it wasn’t experienced by my Black teammates and friends.

So where is it going to get us if we have these “I agree” conversations with people who are already on our side? I love finding courage and inspiration in these individuals but it that going to spur on change? I am not so sure.

How are we suppose to make a difference if we just stay in our lanes?

So I have to laugh (or cry) at the fact that I was pushed over the edge today;

I am horrified. I am sad. I am exhausted.

It’s only been two weeks.

I am going to welcome these uncomfortable feelings and insurmountable overwhelm to move the needle for change. Because the Black community has been feeling this every day. I want to be part of the change that fixes that. If anything, we all deserve to feel this heaviness and overwhelm and anger for the rest of the days moving forward for THEM.

Through this discomfort I know that there is growing. I often feel too small to make any sort of big splash or change but the world is shifting; if all of us look inwards to observe our white privilege and choose to SEE the systemic racism that has been at the forefront of our nation and world (that we have been too numb to feel) we can start to make these small SIGNIFICANT changes.

Who are we as human beings if we ignore the suffering of others? What we do as individuals is powerful, but when we come together, we are capable of great global change.

We need to keep our foot on the gas. Educating ourselves by reading a book or article are good things, but we need to be doing MORE. This is a life changing time and we all need to be part of this momentum moving forward in order to make this change stick. This is a forever movement. Continue to donate, listen, think, speak, learn, and show up in ways that support black individuals. Take a look inside yourself and look around at the people who you see everyday; what do your neighbours, parents, grandparents, family members think of this? This is lifelong; have the conversations, learn, and listen but ALSO do the work. Do what you can and then commit to doing more.

We all need to be fighting. Because “Black Lives Matter” should not be something we need to convince ourselves on. Yet the unrest and inequality is beyond prevalent in our world TODAY. It’s time we start listening and acting to make a change and lift up the oppressed.

I will say that even though I have been trying to educate myself, I have SO much to learn and unlearn within myself. I feel like I have no idea how to navigate through this or whether or not my language is appropriate or correct (still… trying to learn!!). It is not my space to be perfect but I want to be an ally and someone who lifts up Black individuals. I have every intention of creating a positive impact and change as I deep dive into this forever learning process.

You and I are privileged with the opportunity to take action and continue to do work both inside and outside.

As someone recently said to me, don’t be afraid to say the wrong thing. Be afraid to say nothing.