The year of the Olympic Qualifiers is arguably the most important year in the entire quadrennial. As usual, the summer was nothing short of a wonderful, challenging, uplifting, and heartbreaking season. We went through every single emotion you could imagine in a six month international season. The ups and downs of new players being brought in, old players stepping out, winning tournaments, having very bad showings in others, and of course having teammates go through heartbreaking injuries. I am writing this blog post to touch up on everything we did this summer and the lessons we learned along the way.
I first want to make mention that when we came back to train together at the end of April, we were walking into the gym with a completely new coaching staff. Nothing about it was familiar; it was like we were back to square one with a brand new head coach, assistant coaches, manager and overall IST team, not to mention learning how to implement a brand new system of play. Once again, we had to attempt to wipe our brains clean of past coaches qualms, particulars, and specific techniques we had spent hours upon hours learning.
Our entire A and B team just getting some bowling reps in.
It is especially stressful as an older veteran because you never know what the (new) coaches are wanting. Do they see value in an older experienced player, or are they wanting to bring up completely new players to prep them for the upcoming years. All questions you stress over before you even start. Luckily the returning A team athletes were asked to Skype with our new coach Tom Black at some point in the months leading up to tryouts. Even though our spot on the team was certainly not guaranteed, it was nice to know at least a little bit about the new coach coming in. These were the coaches that were in the gym with us this summer:
Tom Black: Head coach of Team Canada, head coach of Georgia Volleyball
Jeff Baxter: Assistant coach of Team Canada, head coach of the University of Portland
Ben Josephson: Assistant coach of Team Canada, head coach of Trinity Western men’s volleyball
Shannon Winzer: Assistant coach of Team Canada, former head coach of the Australian National team (and UBC alumni!)
Joe Trinsey: data analyst for Team USA, Gold Medal Squared app-maker-extraordinaire, Team Canada assistant coach
And of course things are never possible without our fabulous support team team who were working insane hours each and every day. A huge thanks to Kerry Macdonald who put an incredible amount of work in to ensure that our IST team was made up of the best individuals possible. He also single handedly head-hunted Tom Black to come coach our program. Because of him, this might be the first summer where I feel 100% supported from the top down. Huge thanks to that guy. And Fraser Perry who kept all of our bodies (and brains) in tact and got about six free days all summer.
This summer we also played a handful of inter-squad matches (as pictured above). When Rudy and I first launched the Give-Five campaign the most feedback we received about moving forward in the community was having more opportunities for the public to engage with our team. We hosted a few fundraiser nights and evening inter-squad matches around the lower mainland. If you weren’t able to come out this summer I highly encourage you to do so next time. The engagement is increasing but I know that my team would love to also meet other younger aspiring athletes in the community. It is one of our most important resources in terms of support. Thank you to those who are relentlessly believing in us.
Me and Alicia (Perrin) with our Peruvian teammates from last professional season, in a Canada vs. Peru match.
A quick recap of our summer:
VNL Qualifier Round 1: We flew to Chateauguay, Quebec after only being together for a few weeks. Our team stayed at what felt like a haunted nunnery during our time in Quebec which included sleeping in a tiny dorm room; team bonding at it’s finest. The systems were still new and the coaches were new but luckily we already knew how to play with one another and we picked up where we had left off last fall. This was the first round of the Volley Nations League tournament which is composed of the top ranked 16 teams in the world. We would have to win two tournaments in order to qualify for next year’s VNL. In Chateauguay we won the qualifier against Mexico and Puerto Rico, not dropping a set. Not the worst way to start the summer.
VNL Qualifiers Finals: The next trip of the summer was in June which lasted approximately one month. We first played in the VNL Finals where we took on Croatia and the Czech Republic. In our final match vs. Czech for all the marbles, one of our star players Autumn Bailey went down with a knee injury. The way she reacted made it seem like it was a very serious knee injury but of course, nobody knew for sure. She was wheeled off the court and looked after by our wonderful physio, Fraser and I was promptly put in to finish the match. I can’t say that I came in as my most fearless self; I was looking around at my teammates who were visible distraught, and I couldn’t get my legs and hands to stop shaking. Upon reflection, I realized later that this was the first major injury of a teammate that I had witnessed and I passed through the game in a haze. Not exactly what you want to be feeling during a crucial match.
Looking back, I wish I came out on to the floor with way more confidence and leadership than I did. I guess even a ten-year veteran gets rattled in important moments and games. It was definitely a learning opportunity for me and a hard reminder (for the entire team) that you can never bank on just one lineup or a couple of players to do the job. You really have absolutely no idea what will happen in a match or a whole season, especially in terms of injuries. You can’t get too comfortable in any one role.
By the grace of all the volleyball gods, we won the match in the fifth and final set. When we scored that last point our entire team crumpled to the ground and promptly burst into tears. There was so much emotion that was pent up and riding on this game. We were crying for Autumn’s injury, we were crying because this was a huge accomplishment, we were crying because it took a lot for this win to happen. To accomplish something so big after the hardest two summers of our lives felt monumental. I couldn’t stop crying.
Autumn ended up flying home a few days later with a couple other teammates while a few others on the long-list roster were flown in. We moved from Lima, Peru to a smaller city up north (Trujillo) to start our next competition, the Pan American Cup, which also happens to be the most gruelling tournament of the entire summer.
Pan American Cup: out of the entire six month season we were together, this was by far the most challenging time for us. Our team was essentially in turmoil and seriously grieving the loss of Autumn in so many ways. We had many meetings to discuss what our team now looked like, what our goals and challenges were for the tournament ahead, as well as giving everyone the opportunity to get whatever off our chest so we could continue to move on. The tournament as a whole did not go so well. The biggest thing that I wish we could have changed during this time was our attitude toward injury and how long it ended up taking for us to reconnect with the players we had. Things lingered too long in my opinion and we weren’t able to find our groove during the tournament. I experienced an extreme sense of anxiety towards playing as I was trying to fill a different player’s role. In my head, that was the only way we could win.
Life lesson: just be yourself. As players we may be constantly told what our weaknesses are and what individual skills we need to develop in order to be better. We are aware of the players who are better than us in certain areas and we strive to be more like them. When a starter goes down, I can guarantee that the player coming in will have a unique skill set individual to them. I forgot this when I was subbed in after the injury and when I was starting at the Pan Am Cup tournament. I tried to mimic how Autumn played and didn’t give one thought to what my own strengths were or what I could bring to the team. As you can imagine, it did not work out. Leaving the tournament and the month long trip in Peru, I was at my lowest point of the entire summer. To be completely honest, I had all the dark thoughts that any veteran player faces when they aren’t on the court (and in my case when I got subbed in and underperformed — a nightmare for any bench player). I had regrets, I felt embarrassed, I felt unsure of my value on the team.
It’s hard to write that but it’s true. And I hope I can shed light on some of these issues that we face as athletes, even at the highest international level. Even as a veteran player and captain of a national team, I still felt insignificant when I had to rise up to the challenge. It’s not a great feeling when you think you’ve failed yourself and your teammates.
Olympic Qualifications: BUT! There wasn’t that much time to mope as we only had a few short weeks back in Vancouver to train and lick our wounds before heading to Russia for our Olympic Qualifiers. To continue the unfortunate-ness, I got hit in the face the day before we played our first match and was out for the tournament with a concussion (I blame running into the score table back in January — my head was just not in good shape!). Despite not winning this qualifier, I felt that our team had some really good moments and I was happy to see us come together after our difficult Peru trip only weeks before. Host Russia ended up winning and qualifying for next year’s Tokyo Olympic Games. Korea, Mexico, and Canada (us!) will have a chance to qualify through our zone come January.
After the qualifier, our team needed a major break. We hadn’t had any time off up to this point and had put in some intense months of training and traveling. The majority of the team ended up doing one last push for another tournament in Colorado Springs a few weeks later and a few of us, including myself, opted not to go and start our rest and recovery.
That was probably the best thing I could have done for myself. Over the years I have slowly learned that for me, sometimes less is more. My anxiety and depression can still have flare ups when I am moving from one thing to the other at a rapid pace, rarely leaving time for myself to recharge. I often get sick from the stress of trying to do it all. I have learned that as a captain I need to delegate tasks to others who are willing to help, but also be vulnerable enough to involve my teammates when I am going through a tough season. Grief fights us in waves at a time and like I said, if I am not careful it can all compile very quickly without warning which of course, does not allow me to be the best captain for my team. This is one of the biggest changes I have had to implement over the years.
During this break, Alexa and I decided to take our R&R down to Costa Rica, which was the second best idea I had all summer. It’s a special thing to be able to hang out with a teammate off the court and get along so well. We had a blast exploring all the things that Costa Rica had to offer and we both left feeling so much more rejuvenated and refreshed. It had been a long and tough summer!
The girls did well in Colorado and brought home a bronze medal. Shannon was head coach of this tournament because after Russia, both Tom and Jeff had to return to their respective College teams in the States. A forever shifting coaching staff and a forever changing roster. You really have to be willing to adapt and learn to thrive through it all.
NORCECA Championships: Team Canada returned to training for a two week training block in September to get ready for the NORCECA Championship (which is our zone). From the ten teams that were at the tournament, we had to place within the top four in order to qualify for the last chance Olympic Qualifiers this coming January. We ended up winning a bronze medal and had a strong showing overall; our first medal at this tournament in a very, very long time. Another new look in the coaching department: Ben took over as head coach while Joe and Shannon took the lead in the assistant coaching positions. We lost a tough match to Puerto Rico for first place in our pool earlier in the week but were able to redeem ourselves and go out with a final win against them for bronze. Sweet, sweet redemption.
Now?
The team has dispersed all over the world. In the blink of an eye and through six lightening-speed months, another Team Canada season has come and gone. Most have joined their professional teams (follow along on our team’s instagram @canwvnt for all the overseas updates) but will be released during the Christmas break to come back to train with Team Canada. We will be meeting in Georgia to train with coach Tom and the staff for a couple of weeks before flying to the Dominican Republic for our tournament. Coach Tom gave us the choice to train down in Georgia or train at the oval and it was an almost unanimous vote to fly down to Georgia; we want to fully put forth our mind, energy, and soul into training exactly what we need to in order to reach our olympic goals with minimal distractions. As a team we don’t want any regrets going into our qualifying tournament. I have a lot of respect for my fellow teammates coming to this decision (it would be easy to say that we want to come back to Vancouver for Christmas).
I have spent over ten years with the Senior National Team and come January, I will be competing in my third Olympic Qualifier.
Third time’s the charm.
Looking back at our last World Championship team or our last Olympic Qualifier roster, I am taken aback by how different the squad is. Only a few players are the same. It just goes to show you how fleeting each roster, team, and memory can be. To stay present in this life is one of the hardest things to do yet it is also one of the most rewarding. Through all of my years with Team Canada I recognize how quickly something can change; a position on the team, a roster, or a belief. You can take nothing for granted. I go into each tournament always thinking that this may be the last time I will play with this particular group of athletes, for we never know what the next tournament will hold. It is always a privilege to be standing in the locker room giving a pre-game talk to my wonderful teammates. Those moments are woven together so uniquely, I can’t take anything for granted.
It’s something that I can carry forward for these next couple of months as we get ready for our Olympic Qualifier. I am terrified, excited, hopeful, and nervous about what it all means, what it could mean, and what it could become. But as I have had some time to reflect on this past summer and what my individual performance looked like in each training block, I am reminded by the importance of “zooming out.” Focusing too hard on the Olympic dream is going to be the driving force that gets me out of bed and to the gym a few times in the day, sure, but focusing on the unique season that I am currently experiencing is what will propel me forward.
The last training block was the best I had played all summer. Why? I’m sure for many reasons but I think the main one was I settled back into my own self and my own strengths. No, not my own weaknesses but my strengths. I had to let go of a lot of things and focus on the good of moving forward and the uniqueness of my situation.
As I said to the girls in the locker room before our last game, “we’re just going out to play a game of volleyball with a few of our closest friends. There’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be than right here.”
So as I work as hard (and as smart) as I can for the next couple months to get myself in the best shape I can be in both physically and mentally before our team returns back together at Christmas, I am choosing to focus on the magic of this unique path. The Olympic dream is also about the hard work that we athletes have put in all our lives only to see what can come to fruition when the time comes.
You can stay up to date on all things by signing up for my email list (click: here). As a few of you may know, Rudy and I both got out of our professional contracts in Greece after Rudy’s club folded without warning. I am currently in Vancouver doing some solo-training to get ready for our qualifiers (because… thirty…). All updates and life lessons and overall fun emails will be sent out regularly, starting in the next few of days! I would LOVE if you tuned in.
Thanks for all the support my National Team - loving friends.
XO Kyla
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